As a type A personality, I threw everything I had at my egg-freezing journey, thinking that if I did it enough times, with enough mental focus, I’d get the outcome I wanted. And so, I underwent round after round of egg freezing to get to 20 quality eggs; the ‘magic’ number required for me to begin IVF. What I didn’t do, however, is make the connection between mind, body, and a successful outcome.
Here are five pieces of advice I wish I listened to at the time.
1. Preparation is key
I ran headlong into each one of my seven egg-freezing rounds, squeezing them in between work, life, and my cycle. Juggling the timing alone was incredibly tricky and I thought it was enough just to get the rounds completed. In the midst of this general ‘busyness’ I didn’t stop to consider that my mind and body could do with some major TLC in the lead-up to what is a tough process physically, emotionally, and mentally – and that also that a successful outcome was linked to me being in optimal health. Looking back, I wish I had prepared myself properly with a heavy dose of self-care, including a basic detox followed by super nourishing foods, supplements, meditations, and reflexology, (which always seems to work for me). It’s OK to take the process seriously – even if the world around you is telling you that this should be a walk in the park.
2. The injections hurt
I bought into the thinking that we must ‘tough out’ the injections in a case of mind over matter and, in some way, pretend that this was just part and parcel of life as a modern female. But forever needs to hear this, it’s not normal to inject yourself multiple times a day, and it’s OK to find it hard, confusing, painful and yes, it may reduce you to tears of pain or frustration, or both. And whatever the doctor says (who in my case was male and dismissive of any side effects), they will also make you feel bloated, tired, uncomfortable, and generally off – a feeling that will build until egg retrieval day.
3. It’s a long, sometimes cruel game
Go into the egg freezing process knowing that it’s a long game. You might feel on top of the world at the start, encouraged by the number of follicles visible in your scans. In what turned out to be my last round, 20 mature follicles produced 14 eggs, and I was ecstatic. However, when tested, none were then considered viable – all 14 were labeled ‘chaotic’ and the entire round was a bust. So please be prepared that the process can lift you up and dump you down – hard. I also recommend making sure you are somewhere private when you take the calls from the clinic, as they can bring bad news, and you don’t want to be in the middle of an important work meeting when you are trying to hold it together. I found a great stairwell outside my office that saw a lot of use over the years.
4. You need to let some people in
Perhaps it was just me, but each one of my egg-freezing rounds coincided with a big birthday, family event, or work moment, requiring stress, late nights, and alcohol. I didn’t tell anyone aside from my husband what I was up to each time and I felt massive pressure to dress up and show up when I really wasn’t in the mood and accept that glass of white wine. Looking back, telling a few chosen people what you are doing at the outset is necessary in order for people to understand why you might turn down invitations and take that early night. Yes, you might get some nosey questions, and yes, you need to be honest about where you are with your health, but I promise that if you state your needs confidently, people will be kinder and less judgmental than you think.
5. Go easy on yourself
The egg retrieval process requires a general anesthetic, and the process involves puncturing your ovaries to get to the eggs. Please don’t be a hero and skip the doctor’s advice to rest for the remainder of the day after the procedure. And please don’t do what I did and commit to an important work event the same evening so as not to let anyone down. I felt like the living dead at the event and of course, that was the evening that someone went wrong, and I needed to be on top form. It would have been much better to be honest and tell people that I had surgery and needed to rest. A little short-term inconvenience is worth it in the long run.
